hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
