Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
