Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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