2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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