bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
