why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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