my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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