Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
