I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
