She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
