he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
