Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
