Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
