I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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