You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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