You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
