All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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