I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
