it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
