Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk is not a location!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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