Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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