Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
