How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
