I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
