I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
