Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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