you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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