I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
