ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
