Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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