D3 body, D1 cock
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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