As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
