Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
