He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
