Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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