batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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