I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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