My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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