Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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