What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
