Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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