____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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