the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
