Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
