just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
