why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
