I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
