Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
