The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
