apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
