Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
