Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
