You just made me feel so damn special
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
