Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
