I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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