Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
