I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
