I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
