well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
