I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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